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Julia Twenty Somethings

We’ll Always Have Paris

My younger sister left for France today to study abroad. And it got me thinking about my time abroad, all though I rarely need an excuse to think about it or talk about it even thought I was there was way back in 2008. I can still remember a lot of really mundane details about how wonderful life in Paris felt. I think this is because I was consciously trying to be present for every moment. I knew how short and treasured my time there would be and so I took note of it. It’s an interesting thing, to notice your life every day for four months. I even still refer back to the daily journal I kept there to relive some of the memories and to pass on (in excruciating detail) suggestions for friends and family who go visit.

My sister leaving today reminded me how taken I was by the city, and by Europe in general. I consider that my love of that time had a lot to do with the culture and the language and the history – but I also think a lot of why I look back on those months as some of the best in my entire life is due to the presence I purposefully brought to my life and the attention and respect I paid each and every one of my experiences. No matter how small.

I think while my sister is there, learning that lesson, I will work on reminding myself of it here. On the days that seem routine and ordinary I am going to make myself be present and have respect for the life I am living.

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Julia Shorts

that thing

You would be the best person t0 share

on this particular subject and

you’re the one I cannot ask about this particular subject.

I’ve written in journals, poems for college classes –

thought about it in Paris in Florida and California.

talked to friends and then talked to friends some more.

Ignored it, at one point I completely misunderstood it

and once even thought – It was gone!

but on a random Thursday afternoon I was wishing

you could give your advise and tell me

if it’s worth it

the gamble

for potential disasters or

to build something new.

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Uncategorized

Starting Something New

Am I the only person who waits until something new is starting in one area of life to make changes in others?

I start a new job next week and with this new start is the possibility of fresh starts all over the place. I am already getting back into a rhythm of running outside or going to the gym and I think I am going to train for a half marathon and run one for the second time.
Its like I get stuck in behavior/attitude ruts until something comes along to shake me out of it. This weekend I  made some changes in how I have been handling a family situation, and while it was super awkward to see someone for the first time in two years, it took this feeling of guilt mixed with anger away and put me back in control of the situation.

The newness feeling has me wanting things I stopped thinking I could have – because if someone will hire me to help others, I am feeling way more motivated to help myself.

 

“The remedy for negative self talk, then, is not the search for unanimous praise from the outside world. It’s a hopeless journey, and one that destroys the work, because you will water it down in fear of that outside critic that amplifies your internal one.

The remedy is accurate and positive self talk. Endless amounts of it.” – S. Godin

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Julia Shorts

Grief

A mentor of mine from when I was young used to tell me that the grief people felt for their loved ones would never go away. Even as a young child this was more comforting to me than anything to fear.

What she said about grief that I loved/love is:

Grief is like a stone you carry around with you. At first it may seem huge and heavy – more like a boulder you’re trying to get out from under – but that eventually, with time and story-telling about the person, sharing their memory with others (even people who didn’t know them) the boulder is worn down and smoothed into a rock and then a stone, small enough to fit in your pocket. It’s slight weight is always with you – sometimes surprising you as you feel it while reaching for keys or a dollar bill.

How true this seemed to me then and how true it has turned out to be. I find myself at both the most poignant and most random times in my life, thinking about someone who has been gone almost as long as I have been alive. I will always miss my mom but there is some comfort in that. I will always miss her, and so I will carry her with me wherever I go.

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Books Twenty Somethings Uncategorized

Contradictory enlightenment

A very good friend that has known me since I was five years old recently sent me a book in the mail that she said I would love. It’s entire premise was to fly in the face of common lore, that your twenties are a mess and fun and to be taken on with the spirit of adventure and little planning. It said your twenties are your “Defining Decade” and they really do matter. That kind of drew me in. Maybe all my freaking out and feeling like my lack of ambition at a job I don’t love and my mess of a personal/dating life would be validated in this book…that it is a process and it’s right to panic and soul search.

Mostly, though, this book just pissed me off. **Note to self – if a friend is having a little bit of a quarter-life reflection and isn’t sure about some crucial next steps; don’t give her a book that describes how at 27, she’s only got 2 more years to make a life before it’s over**. I sat in the airport reading this book and laughed out loud at some of the absurd undertones I was picking up on – dating casually is horrible, settling is worse, getting married young is not only needed it’s the better route to take, etc. the author has a PhD so she wasn’t overtly stating such nonsense but it was in there somehow, in between the lines and behind the research.

Maybe this book pissed me off so much because it was taking my worst fears and throwing them in my face. That I was seeing myself  in the composite of clients this author (also therapist) presented – that I was lazy and underachieving and settling when I want more, but feel frozen by indecision. The point the author was trying to make- I think -is that  we need to make decisions now and not wait until tomorrow. However her delivery was all kinds of wrong.

The therapist side of me got all worked up about what she claims she said to clients in session. Statements were apparently made to men and women in their mid-twenties, who were confused and sometimes/often crying, like,  “I can’t sit here and talk about your past when I can see your future is in trouble.” If my therapist said that to me I would walk out. Hello?!?! I am obviously here because I have some shit to work on and I am not happy in my current situation. It’s your job as the therapist to listen, to WHATEVER the client wants to talk about and use your skills to get them to come to conclusions about their own life and the next steps they need to take. FYI, telling a client something like that is just a no go in ordinary therapy – unless the clients have asked you to be harsh and judgmental.

To complete my book review/rant I will say that I do appreciate the author’s desire to light a fire under people. I just wish though she would have appeased the masses and masses who may, say pick this book up at 27 and think “Cool, what can this tell me about making the last few years in my 20’s great”. She should have written her point of view perhaps with less pressure on the deadline of 30 (!!!) and more pressure on the call to action. Inspire the people instead of freak them the fuck out.

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Uncategorized

Awkward

Super awkward moment when I was walking towards someone I knew freshman year of college in an aisle of the store. I did the eye flash of recognition as I expected them to return and then we’d say hello and keep on keeping on. But…no spark, no return recognition.
Ugh. I wish I just made them feel dumb and said “Hey! how’s it going, been forever!” but I didn’t. Seriously, so awkward. Where’s my ‘I don’t care’ attitude when I need it?!