Category: Julia

posts by Julia

Categories
Inspirational Julia

Sister

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about my sister. you may know her, you may not. If you do, you probably laugh more.
We grew up almost 8 years apart, so much of her early life was me simultaneously scaring the life out of her while protecting her from everything besides myself. I still take full credit for her fear of dogs that persisted through her childhood – thanks to a fluffy stuffed dog, a shoestring-leash and an inquisitive 24 month old who got the sh*t scared out of her when I made the dag ‘bark’ and come after her on the hardwood floor of our entryway. You’ve never really seen unguarded terror until you see it in the eyes of a toddler.

Somewhere along our time together, fighting over her stealing my cds and books, babysitting her and inventing the ‘car wash’ version of taking a shower, and cramming into our family suburban to travel across the country – she’s become my best friend.
Its been pretty amazing to have someone whose brain works the same way mine does and to know she will just get it – no matter how irrational I am being. Not only does she get it, but she tough-loves me right into the conversation where we recognize how our emotions and our being inside our heads all the time often backfire on us and take us away from showing people how freaking amazing we are.

She is an outstanding writer and her material makes my creative brain click on and I find myself wanted to take her stories and write my versions of them – or help her with her research to take her papers to the next level. I feel like where I am too full of prose in my writing she is direct, and articulate and hilarious. I think we could learn a lot from each other’s style of writing – like we do with other areas of our lives. Her Twitter is hilarious and her sharp wit and good sense of humor (which I’d like to think I helped shape) crack me up.

I was talking to a friend about strained relationships within their family the other day – and while there are relationships aplenty that are strained in my life – I am so very thankful my relationship with her is not, cannot, and will not ever fall into that category.
So that’s it, just a quick ode to my girl, P-h-o-e-b-e.

Categories
Julia Twenty Somethings Uncategorized

Moderate and Merry

The holidays are a crazy time. I can’t be the only one who has the excitement fizzle out as you feel pressure to find the right gift for everyone (thank god my four siblings and sister-in-law have implemented a drawing, so I’m only buying gifts for one of them) and the impending stress of heading home for the holidays. Not to mention living out of town and the price you pay just to get there.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I love to give gifts and spend time together, but images of Norman Rockwell get stuck in my head and I am inevitably let down by the real-life drama that is relationships and life.

So this year, heading back to face my family alone after a break-up, I have decided to eschew the pressure and the expectations. I am not going to get into heated debates about whether my dad is going to live up to spending time with us on the morning of Christmas, or how out of place I may be feeling at an early Christmas morning that was never part of my ritual growing up.  Instead, I am going to enjoy the time I have with family and know that my attempts to find the perfect gift(s) for people will be appreciated even if they are exchanged or returned for a different color. I am going to take time to talk with the extended family that I love and rarely see at my Aunt’s Christmas Eve, Eve party. I am going to call up friends from high school and go out one night and enjoy how far I have come from who I was in high school and the fact that I still consider people from that era friends. Spending time with my niece is high on the priority list and I think I’ll ask about taking her through the Holiday lights show at a local park (babies love bright, shiny, moving lights!). I’ll remember how lucky/cool it is that  I celebrate both Hanukah and Christmas with different sides of the family and how meaningful those two traditions are to me. I’m definitely lighting my very own (and first) Menorah this year in my own apartment and am thinking of hanging a fir wreath on the door just so I can smell wintertime.

This will be my moderate and merry Christmas. Moderate in that I am not looking too deep at the undercurrents of family drama – simply so I can enjoy a season and a time that is meant to be enjoyed.
I urge you all to do the same, for your sanity, for your own sense of joy.

Norman Rockwell, making family look good since 1916.

Categories
Julia

How can we go forward from here…

I am sick of just being outraged as I sit at home or at the office or at the gym or walking down the street. I feel like my energy towards these recent injustices is not helping anyone and is frustrating me more.

How can we, as a society, go forward from here when twice now two grand juries on opposite ends of the country let someone go with no indictment because he wears a badge? How can people be blocking out the larger discourse behind these isolated events and not see that its the results of a broken and inherently racist system?

So I’ve been trying to think constructively – who are the groups involved; what can be done to fight pervasive institutional racism?

I believe that because it’s the job of the police to offer protective services – they should be learning what that means and how it applies to everyone, regardless of their own personal biases as a person.

The issue isn’t just contained in the minutes surrounding the death of Michael Brown or Eric Garner – the issue begins in what people are learning about other groups of people and how, in a position of power, they are allowing their beliefs to cloud their professional duties.

So my constructive idea to this horrible fucked up situation took a while to think about because honestly, trying to surmount racism as a whole seems overwhelming and futile because- things are set up to run this way.
I am still working on where to next take this idea beyond the platform of this blog, which I know for a fact only 1 maybe 2 other people read, so that in the end it doesn’t make me feel like I am still doing nothing.

I would like it to be mandatory for police officers (during training and then throughout their position as a full-fledged cop) to take a social justice and human diversity class. In training it would be once a week – a part of their requirement to graduate – and across precincts it would be bi-monthly with the requirement to attend once a month or face consequences (lose a shift, or earn a desk.paperwork shift). Police officers need to be forced to examine their own biases and really acknowledge them before they can be asked to not act on them. This would be met with a lot of ‘boys will be boys’ attitude, and ‘what do grown men need to learn about themselves?’ but that is just fear/deflection from facing things that they don’t address daily on a conscious level. It isn’t easy to learn about your biases and admit to having them – especially while you are simultaneously learning how disenfranchised groups of people feel.
The course would being with working to identify biases with various activities (can you tell I took this class in graduate school for my Master of Social Work? good.) and then would build up with guest speakers and break out groups to discuss articles and current events surrounding race and racism. This way, at least when the officers are out in the communities they will be working with a more well-rounded and self-aware knowledge…

It isn’t enough to blame the officers in the cases of Michael or Eric if you’re not willing to blame the system, to tackle the system, to change the system.

 

 

Categories
Julia Twenty Somethings

Letting Go

Sometimes the fear behind the question “What now?” keeps you from acting. But if you stop worrying about how people could be disappointed by your choices and start focusing on how they might support them, the fear really lessens.

I feel like I’ve been on one track, full steam ahead but recently the track disappeared and I’m slamming the breaks as I approach the edge of a cliff.
My automatic process is to start thinking how to get that track back and how to build it ahead of me, minding the gap.

I’ve decided to work really hard to change my automatic response – and just keep going, track or not, and jump when I hit the cliff’s edge.
Instead of thinking of all the things that will go wrong, I’m just going to think “Maybe…”

I won’t know where my decisions take me until I try.

Categories
Samuel Twenty Somethings

Playing Contact Sports

If I ever have a child, and its strange to think I’m technically at the age where having a child is a normal thing to do, but if I do end up having a kid I’m going to make sure they have the opportunity to play a team sport (preferably a contact sport…. and if I’m honest hopefully they choose hockey.)

Playing on a team is such an interesting and enriching experience.  You learn to count on other people, work together with other people.  You learn what if feels like to be part of something larger than yourself, and you also get a first had view of adversity.  Every one of these experiences will help them as an adult, and looking back on my 27 years of life I think a lot of the make up of my personality stems from playing hockey as a kid.  Its so fascinating how much of it is woven into the fabric of my being, take for example:

– I really look down on people who fake things (injuries, emotions, tell lies ect…).  In hockey this is called “taking a dive”, and its one of the worst things you can do.

– When I’m working in a team setting and we fail, my first gut reaction is always to look at myself and think about what I could do better. More so than any professional sport, hockey players don’t pass blame, its part of the culture.  Its a team game, but when something goes wrong look in the mirror, don’t look over your shoulder for someone to blame.  I’m not sure how cultures develop around a sport. Take for example soccer, its part of the game to take dives and roll around pretending you are hurt (probably the main reason soccer has not caught on more in the US).  I’m not sure when or how that started, and I’m also not sure how the culture of toughness started around hockey but both cultures are are large part of both sports.

– I value “assists” more than my own personal goals.  More than any other sport hockey recognizes “assists”.  Some would argue too much so, but in hockey the 2 previous people to touch the puck get credit with an assist when a goal is scored.  In basketball unless you make a pass that leads directly to a point you do not get an assist.  In baseball you can get a throwing assist, but you can’t get 2 on the same play on a long relay.  In football only the QB and Receiver get on the stat sheet for a touchdown…. the list goes on. In hockey the assist is valued more so than other sports

– I have a temper and I will not back down from anyone.  I can credit this one almost directly to playing hockey.  In general I’m a pretty passive or at least non aggressive fun loving person.  But I’m not afraid to get into a situation and mix things up (some credit for this must also go to the years I’ve spent studying kempo karate) but my first memories of mixing things up come from middle school playing hockey and learning to not let someone take advantage of me.  If your too passive in life, people will take advantage of you. If your too much of a dick in life somewhere down the line there will be an enforcer around to tune you up (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xTtkozOvdg)… I never get tired of watching that fight!

 

I’m sure I could sit and write about 2 pages worth of these snippets on how hockey has effected my personality, but the moral of the story is if I have a kid someday (Girl or Boy) I’m going to encourage them to follow their heart and do whatever it is they love… but you can bet I will be encouraging them to play hockey!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Julia Twenty Somethings Uncategorized

French Class

I am looking for a French class in the city. I miss the language and for someone who prided herself on becoming fluent in French- is showcasing abysmal skills these days. Maybe my big decision will just be to blow all the money (not paying rent, looking for a change in career) I save on a teeny tiny flat in Paris and the cost of a month long language immersion class. Do I dare?

…”peut-être, peut-être non.”